Sunday, 22 January 2012

Loosing sight of important things?!

I have not blogged since Tuesday & that's simply because I have been so busy baking that my blog brain had gone AWOL!!!  Now I can't take credit for the subject of my blog today as I was inspired by my bestie & fellow blog writer Jason, but I thought to myself with his current blog of Friday that he does in fact have a fair few points that I can familiarise myself with & also put down from a woman's point of view too.

Here's Jason's blog if you haven't had chance to read it: Frustration

Now you will notice that Jason's blog title sounds slightly more aggressive than mine, well actually quite a bit more aggressive than my title... but I think that's because it is just a one word title, just my opinion of course but that's how I perceive it.

Isn't it easy to lose sight of those things that are so important?!  What I am talking about is how people in relationships (ie/ marriage) forget the important things like their partners needs because everything else gets in the way...

The home-maker is always looking after the children, keeping a tidy home, doing daily chores & such like, so often forgets to ask the partner how they're day has been at work as they are so focused on these other things that you wouldn't think take up much time - but alas indeed they really do, it is a constant battle one thing after another, 1 child needs attention for something & then another needs some attention for something else or the others start squabbling, the dinner needs cooking or the washing needs to be done it is never ending constant work - Yes, it is work... just unpaid.

Now I am quite self-concious of how easily this happens so I try to make an extra effort to not forget what's important, my husband, but I am only human & not by any means perfect, so even I do lose sight of this every now & again, especially if I have had an over demanding day... for example; kids to get to school, cakes to make/decorate, washing to be done, housework to do, pets to be fed, dinner to be cooked, kids playing up after school, after school clubs etc, etc!

Now on the other hand it is just as easy for your spouse to lose sight of these things too, they spend all day out at work & can have demanding jobs that cause them stress, they have the worry of bringing the money home to provide for the family - it is just too easy to forget that your partner is the most important person in your life & a simple hug or asking 'How's your day been?' can make the whole world of difference if they're having a tough time for whatever reason.

These are the ways I have been self-concious today: I posted on my hubby's FB wall this evening: 'Mwah, just because I think you deserve it xXx', I asked him how his evening at work was going, I told him I loved him, I made him a cup of Tea for when he returned from work & obviously I waited up to see him!  It's not a lot, but I am sure all these little things count for an awful lot in a relationship although sometimes they do get forgotten & half of the team feels forgotten about.

Today my husband has done the following little things that have made a difference to me: He brought me a cup of coffee in bed, he did household chores while I got bits from town, he told me he loves me, he made the lunch, he sent me texts while he was working & he just said 'probably the most amazing cup of Tea he's ever had' - Now I feel really great after that 1 comment, it's only a stupid little comment about a cup of Tea, but it's the best comment ever & makes me feel like I am an awesome person that looks after my husband.

When you first start a relationship, nothing gets in the way it is just the two of you & there are hardly any stresses or strains, but then as you get older children arrive each one causing a little more strain on the relationship as while they are very young they take up a lot of your time & can be quite demanding of attention at times if not all of the time & that's when things break down & you forget the little things that you used to do constantly, they dwindle off to just once or twice a month if you are lucky & that's when the couple often feel like they are unloved & unappreciated.  You forget that first & foremost you & your spouse are a couple, of course you are parents & you put your children first, but you must remember to take time for yourselves.

It isn't always easy to get that time to be a couple, when you have children unless you have amazing in-laws on both sides that live local & can help out at the drop of a hat with childcare, it can be quite an inconvenience in all honesty as you don't get people that will just have the kids so you can go out for a meal & a show, babysitters as we know cost money so if you wanted to take a trip to London that would in itself cost a small fortune & a babysitter on top would be another small fortune as you would want to be gone early afternoon & possibly not back till late at night or even the early hours of the following morning.  It's when you know these things that aren't that easy to organise that those little gestures, comments, hugs & such like are the moments that matter for you both as a couple.  Each person in the relationship feels like they belong, that what they're doing is worthwhile & that they too are in fact a person with feelings & is appreciated by their spouse.

On the other hand when these tiny little gestures get forgotten it is so easy for the respective spouse to feel worthless, unloved & unappreciated... I am sure we're all guilty of neglecting our loved ones as surely nobody can be that perfect once they have had children to keep up the level of affection that they gave before said children came along?!  It just isn't possible, but it is possible if you put your mind to it, to try & remember to make these little gestures - you just have to remind yourself to do it more often so you get a nice balance in the marital relationship.

Just because you have children you don't have to stop being a couple, I am sure that is why a lot of marriages end in divorce or separation - because people lose sight of each other when children come along, they get so focused on the children or their work & they forget about each other... If you want a marriage to last this can't be so, you must not lose sight of what each of you mean to each other or how you used to behave towards each other.  Take a few minutes a day to just have a hug, ask how their day has been or to tell your partner you love them - not a quick 'Love you' as you run out the house to work or before you hang up the phone, say it like you mean it... it means so much more & is sincere, don't get stuck in a routine of saying it just because & say it because in fact you still love your partner & you mean it!


  1. Yes, totally agree, and I am as guilty as anyone, I lose sight of things frequently. I do try but when you have a bad day with the kids, it's hard. Many of the things I want to do, or try to do, get scuppered by circumstances beyond my control, or a lack of support from people whose token offers of help swiftly disappear when you try and take them up on them.

    Now bestie, I have one issue with this blog (OCD spelling issue I'm afraid) and please don't take this as criticism but you have consistently mis-spelled "lose" as "loose" throughout, spell-check problem?

  2. I surely do not know what you are talking about bestie?! I don't see one hint of loose in this blog, I think you've lost it... I didn't lose the plot, you did. Lol!!!

    Sorry couldn't resist that little joke, of course I have edited my failed blog. My only defence is it was very late when blogging & I was a bit tired.