Thursday, 14 February 2013

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not?!

He loves me,
He loves me not,
It doesn't matter I'm what he's got!

Just a little silly poem from my head for Valentine's Day...

Did you know that St Valentine is the patron saint of epilepsy?! Look it up, interesting stuff!

A bit of a mixed bag today for my blog as I'm just not inspired with anything right now... having suffered with depression of various types in the past, having a very close friend with Bipolar & also supporting a seriously challenged hubby through depression, with a cousin that's constantly in the forefront of my mind who took his own life due to depression  (he was just 24) & also knowing plenty of family n friends that too suffer from depression - I know only too well that at times things can become overpowering in dragging you down.

But 'HOW?' do you pick yourself up out of that hole???

For me I like to keep busy & focused on things, such as my blogs, photos, baking, gaming, karaoke... Silly things I know, but I actually enjoy all these things so very, very much & they keep me on a positive generally speaking.

I'm not proud of all the things I have done in the past, coping with depression alone without support & not actually accepting the situation, but I have come through & out the other side now... Yes I have a few odd days a year where absolutely everything gets on top of me, but thanks to my children & my cousin Chad's memory I'm not at the lowest depths of despair anymore.

It is NOT easy to feel like this, in fact on those few odd days it is a real struggle - all I want is someone to hold me tight, telling me everything will be ok... I suppose to me it's like being a small child needing comfort & support again.

Whoever said being a grown up would be easy?!

I must apologise for this blog being a day late, but yesterday I was distracted much & this morning has been a real struggle for me - there's so much swirling around my head & the new medication I'm on for my epilepsy can make depression worse, so I constantly have to try & keep myself level headed...

The past 3.5 years have been particularly trying for me, but the last 18 months have been a very bumpy rollercoaster to say the least.

I'm not someone that asks for help often, as I like to be as independent as I can. I do however wish some if my family & close friends were nearer at times like these in particular: Ruth, Zoe, Kate, Laura, Rachael as these wonderful ladies all mean so very, very much to me yet live so far away!

Now this year has already gone out the window for me, so I'm writing it off!!! No point making plans now, it's too late... But next year is going to be completely different - that's a promise!!!

2014 is my year for so many reasons: on Jan 20th it will be the 20th anniversary of an awful ordeal that happened to me in 1994, on Jul 29th I'll turn 40 (life begins then, apparently), & if we make it through to Sept 14th I'll celebrate being with my true love for 20 years to - not many people these days manage to say that & we've had plenty of struggles along our journey!

I just hope in my heart that we can arrive at that point as happy as we were back in Sept 1994, during the past 18.5 years we have come so far, accomplished so much, but sometimes the way has been clouded & paths have been forgotten, that need to be found again so we can get back on track - let's get the fun back on this rollercoaster instead of screaming to get off please?!

As you can see from my blog, I don't shy away or hide from anything... I'm open & honest about my life, my feelings & me - I wish more people could open up so much, the world would be so much nicer & easier if they would just let people in to help them.

But first you have to pull yourself out of the sand or from under the carpet & stop hiding behind a mask.

Find something your passionate about that encapsulates your mind however silly you think it is, it really helps with self-help & self-esteem!

Life is short, love completely especially yourself <3

PS/ JoJo, thanks for this morning... So glad my message never arrived, I've missed my huggles with you x

Saturday, 2 February 2013

Positively Calming

So I'm now relaxing in the bath with a 'Twilight' bath bomb from Lush, I have an app on my iPod to help me relax, I have a subtle scented candle lit, soft lighting & generally I'm starting to melt into it all...

I have decided I need more relaxation time to get rid of the daily stresses & strains of everyday life, believe it or not I used to listen to whale music & gregorian chants which both if which are very relaxing.

I am currently suffering with an extremely bad head cold, I ache, my nose is streaming, my head is crushed by the congestion this cold has brought with it - so I need to pamper myself & that's what I intend to do!

I've got my facial exfoliator & a warming mineral mask to help my skin feel better. Stress has caused a lot of blemishes to which my medication is not helping much, so self help is now required...

The gentle movement of the warm water around me is calming along with the app which is helping immensely - I shouldn't be blogging as I'm not relaxing completely doing this.

So with that, I shall finish this blog & drift in to tranquility, pampering myself fully - hopefully helping the cold shift a little too!

A curse that cannot be avoided...

... So it seams I was right, Facebook is to take over the world & try as you may to break free from it's chains, you cannot avoid being part of it however hard you try!

I had started playing a game 'Word Trick' like Scrabble (or the other well known app Words With Friends) but with a tricky twist (much higher scoring) & this was linked to my Facebook account (which I deactivated) but as we know both Facebook & Apple rule the world, I was still getting notifications on my iPod to take my turn in these games or I would forfeit them! Arghhhhh

As if this wasn't enough to drive me to distraction, I couldn't play 'Words With Friends' with my good friend Sharla as that too was linked to my Facebook & it would not let me play unless I was logged in... This frustration goes further still, stick with it!

Then after writing a blog here & a blog on my photographic blog at Wordpress yesterday I get eMail through saying my blog syndication had failed as my blogs are set up to go to my Facebook page too! Grrrrrrrrr, getting majorly peeved with it all now!!!

But to top it off, even though my account was deactivated & I'd removed the app from both my phone & iPod (yet it reappeared as factory programmed to my phone) I got a text alert on a subscribed status (now this was my cousins so I wasn't too miffed about that, but it did tip me over the edge) Farcebook Rage!!!!!

Reluctantly I reactivated my account purely so I can get it closed down properly, all I want is a profile for my cakes... I don't mind having a personal profile for friends & family that live miles away but for anyone local I just don't see the point at all?! - I mean I see my friends at karaoke, on the school runs, meet for coffee... I have a phone, I don't need Facebook to contact my local friends.

You will not see any activity from me on the reactivated account unless its preprogrammed (like this blog) to syndicate up - so don't expect a reply or like from me, I'm not being rude & I'm not ignoring anyone I am not being ruled by Farcebook... Period!!!

Reasons for deactivating are on yesterday's blog, go have a read - it is not personal, nor have I blocked anyone... So don't take this to heart or think you've done anything wrong please.

Now I've got this out the way, I shall blog about what I was going to blog about & try to get in a more calmed state of mind, lol!

Friday, 1 February 2013

Facebook consumes everyone & everything...

Yes it's true it does, even people who say their life does not evolve around it - they're lying!

I deactivated my account as of yesterday as it was the end of January & time for a new month, something had to give... I chose Facebook.

Why did I do this?! Basically although I think it can be a very useful tool to market yourself or your business, stay in touch or get in touch with people or relatives you don't often get the opportunity to do so with it is a curse!

It takes over, rules your life without you even realising... Every other app developed is now linked to the god forsaken thing - it's taking over the world (a bit like apple with the iPod, iPad, iPhone).

So yes as I like to be different I'm breaking free from these chains & escaping the blackhole! Before Facebook was developed I survived absolutely fine without it & I will survive absolutely fine without it again!

There's more to life than knowing who is having a bad day, who's walking the dog, who's down the pub etc, etc.

Certain things I will miss is my family that are overseas, but for that there's snailmail or eMail... Even the phone!!!

Enough is enough & nothing is going to rule my life except me... Break the mould people, you can be saved too!