He loves me,
He loves me not,
It doesn't matter I'm what he's got!
Just a little silly poem from my head for Valentine's Day...
Did you know that St Valentine is the patron saint of epilepsy?! Look it up, interesting stuff!
A bit of a mixed bag today for my blog as I'm just not inspired with anything right now... having suffered with depression of various types in the past, having a very close friend with Bipolar & also supporting a seriously challenged hubby through depression, with a cousin that's constantly in the forefront of my mind who took his own life due to depression (he was just 24) & also knowing plenty of family n friends that too suffer from depression - I know only too well that at times things can become overpowering in dragging you down.
But 'HOW?' do you pick yourself up out of that hole???
For me I like to keep busy & focused on things, such as my blogs, photos, baking, gaming, karaoke... Silly things I know, but I actually enjoy all these things so very, very much & they keep me on a positive generally speaking.
I'm not proud of all the things I have done in the past, coping with depression alone without support & not actually accepting the situation, but I have come through & out the other side now... Yes I have a few odd days a year where absolutely everything gets on top of me, but thanks to my children & my cousin Chad's memory I'm not at the lowest depths of despair anymore.
It is NOT easy to feel like this, in fact on those few odd days it is a real struggle - all I want is someone to hold me tight, telling me everything will be ok... I suppose to me it's like being a small child needing comfort & support again.
Whoever said being a grown up would be easy?!
I must apologise for this blog being a day late, but yesterday I was distracted much & this morning has been a real struggle for me - there's so much swirling around my head & the new medication I'm on for my epilepsy can make depression worse, so I constantly have to try & keep myself level headed...
The past 3.5 years have been particularly trying for me, but the last 18 months have been a very bumpy rollercoaster to say the least.
I'm not someone that asks for help often, as I like to be as independent as I can. I do however wish some if my family & close friends were nearer at times like these in particular: Ruth, Zoe, Kate, Laura, Rachael as these wonderful ladies all mean so very, very much to me yet live so far away!
Now this year has already gone out the window for me, so I'm writing it off!!! No point making plans now, it's too late... But next year is going to be completely different - that's a promise!!!
2014 is my year for so many reasons: on Jan 20th it will be the 20th anniversary of an awful ordeal that happened to me in 1994, on Jul 29th I'll turn 40 (life begins then, apparently), & if we make it through to Sept 14th I'll celebrate being with my true love for 20 years to - not many people these days manage to say that & we've had plenty of struggles along our journey!
I just hope in my heart that we can arrive at that point as happy as we were back in Sept 1994, during the past 18.5 years we have come so far, accomplished so much, but sometimes the way has been clouded & paths have been forgotten, that need to be found again so we can get back on track - let's get the fun back on this rollercoaster instead of screaming to get off please?!
As you can see from my blog, I don't shy away or hide from anything... I'm open & honest about my life, my feelings & me - I wish more people could open up so much, the world would be so much nicer & easier if they would just let people in to help them.
But first you have to pull yourself out of the sand or from under the carpet & stop hiding behind a mask.
Find something your passionate about that encapsulates your mind however silly you think it is, it really helps with self-help & self-esteem!
Life is short, love completely especially yourself <3
PS/ JoJo, thanks for this morning... So glad my message never arrived, I've missed my huggles with you x