Thursday, 7 March 2013

Spider-gram, Spider-gram!!!

Ewwwwww, freaky little (or large), scurrying, scary, eight-legged arachnids!!!


Sort of like Martine I suppose?! Love them or Hate them???

On a personal level & no I am not ashamed to say this, I am absolutely freaking petrified of the things: Arachnophobic I am!

I used to be a little afraid since a hair-raising, jump out of bed type of experience when I was about 7 or 8. At the time we (my dad, brother & me) lived in Chinnor & I can remember quite vividly the exact occasion that left me with this fear of spiders (one that has turned into complete arachnophobia with the exception of money spiders or red spider-mites (not technically arachnids) or furry tarantulas (kept safely in tanks at Zoos))...

Now I don't remember the exact date, day or time but the vivid memory I have is this: waking up one weekend morning in my bed, stretching, rubbing my eyes & then opening to see a what then was a colossal, huge house spider (the ones normally in the bath) running straight across my chest inches from my face - scary as hell, don't think I've ever jumped out of bed so fast!!!

Now, I try to be a damn good mum & love, protect, care for my children to my best ability. I don't want to pass my anxieties or phobias onto them, so I try to be as brave as I can be in front of them (especially where spiders are concerned) - I will grit my teeth, grab a pint glass & card, bravely catch any such nasty type creature & fling the thing out the door (or window) so it's back outside... Big sighs of relief afterwards & a mug of coffee for the nerves!

But alas last night my arachnophobia has reached an almighty new level (I knew it had been getting worse a couple weeks ago, when I saw what I used to deem as a harmless arachnid Peabody (Harvestman Spider) in my cupboard - I froze on the spot) picture this:

I lovingly make the school sandwiches for my 3 cherubs, 2 rounds of white & 1 of brown (Anneliese prefers brown), then I start packing the lunches with drinks cartons, mini kit-kats (orange), apples & a malteaser teaser mini bunny. I then get some snack bags ready to give the children a small portion of grapes (red seedless).

What happens next?! I snip a small bunch off the main bunch & two grapes drop from their stalks into my hand, no biggie I hear you say??? WRONG!!!!!

As I look in my hand (having put the rest in the snack bag) I spot a white-ish spider almost the size of the grape it was clinging to!!! WTF? I instantly jump a mile dropping the grape on the counter (the other rolled away) Eeeeeek!

So as the palpitations kick in & the breathing becomes rapid, me being me grabs the nearest photographing device - my iPod to take a slightly out of focus (I was shaking) photo of the darn thing... I had to use the zoom function, too scared to get any closer!

I didn't expect a bloody all singing, all dancing Spider-gram thrown in with my grapes!!!

Panic stricken, I alert Duncan (who was fast asleep on the sofa) that I needed help... He couldn't see the problem as the spider on grape had landed behind the big main bunch of grapes - I gingerly pointed out that he should look behind the bunch...

I'm sure he found it all mildly amusing, actually he found it largely amusing - people without anxieties or phobias have absolutely no idea of the severity of these things.

Anyhow, he took the offensive possessed grape & inhabitant outside with the compost caddy, emptying the contents & throwing the grape into the brown compost wheely bin... I was still absolutely petrified, so much so I refused to give the children grapes!

I busily tidied the kitchen, avoiding the bunch of grapes & anti-bacterial sprayed the sides down. OCD is often my friend & I embrace it more so when I need to, sprayed the sides down twice for good measure (as Spidey had seriously freaked me out).

Having calmed myself down enough to safely make a cuppa, I figured I should move the remainder of the bunch of grapes & clean that part of the kitchen... Epic failure!!! As I carefully lift the bunch, I notice an egg sack (or is it a nest?!) Oh my freaking days?!¿¡?!

That's it, I'm having nightmares... Panicking about sleeping, not funny, not funny at all!

I got my phone this time (it takes much better pictures) & with Duncan's aid of holding the grapes slightly apart snapped the offending foreign body - Ewwwwww, Yuk, Eeeeeek!!!

I had posted the earlier photo on Farcebook which had generated a lot of comments, my friends said to hand the spider back to store (I'd brought in Tesco in town) but alas it had gone to compost heaven, so I thought I may as well post the other new development of photographic evidence - my friend Helen Carruthers who works in the store bakey said I should take them back even without a receipt so they could investigate, but if it was to difficult for me she would inform them of this incident.

I tried to sleep on it... Although sleep was very broken, visions of the nest/egg sack breaking open & billions of tiny baby spiderlings attacking me in my sleep - sleeping with an eye open!

So after sorting out the girls for World Book Day (dressed as no less than Mr Bump & Little Miss Tiny) I proceeded to triple bag the bunch of grapes, ready to return to store after dropping the girls at school - my anxieties & arachnophobia start to rear their ugly heads, my heart starts racing & palpitations take over, I'm shaking & again my breathing starts to get rapid... No fun :(

With the outer bag stretched as far away from my body as possible in my hand, I drop the girls off to school & rapidly walk up to town - heading straight to Tesco!

There I queue in the customer service line (at the cigarette counter, quite an achievement considering I had just reached the 5 month mark since quitting the cancer sticks) - only two people in front of me, but I'm trying my hardest to stay calm & rational given the circumstances.

With my free hand I start tapping the barrier as I'm getting more n more on edge holding the outer bag, the more I try not to think about it the worse my anxieties grew!!!

Finally I get to the front of the queue (was only really a 5-7 minute wait, but felt a lot longer) & I quietly explain to the lovely Julie Dawson the delicate problem... After all my main concern was for the rest of the grapes to be checked in store, not for a refund or anything else - I'm not mercenary like you might think!

After a detailed recollection of the previous nights events (such as just blogged, but in brief) & half an hour later, Julie had logged the complaint (as I rambled on about not poking the bunch of grapes as if the nest/egg sack opened I would scream the store down & run a mile like a crazed woman) took my details, gave me a refund for a full kg of grapes... I was just praying it would soon be over!

I had to walk down to Costa (don't start me on what I saw on route, but I didn't photo it so not saying another word except... Poor piggies) & grabbed a Sinny Mocha Latté (thank you Elliot & Ryan) before heading back to store to get a few bits that I needed, I was still traumatised by the whole event & it wasn't till I'd gone to the vets from town I'd finally calmed down enough (think I should carry some paper bags around for emergencies).

So now I await the outcome from head office... I don't dis Tesco a lot, yes I have my gripes with the company as a whole - but I can actually say the staff at Bicester Town & Pingle Drive are all friendly, helpful & welcoming.

Now I did make a small jovial reference to a Spider-gram?! Now you may wonder with my 'issues' I'd joke about such a thing?! It's simple & quite silly really...

It's what inspired me with the title of this blog, so as not to make it sound as scary as it is to anyone with a sever phobia of spiders such as myself!

Yesterday morning we were heading down to Middlesex for Duncan's dear old grandads funeral (he was such a true gentleman, I will miss him) & at one point (I think on it was on the way to the crematorium) we got stuck behind a rubbish truck - in the back was a stuffed toy of Spiderman, I kid you not!

I of course tried to capture a photo of this but missed as we overtook the truck, but I did get the corner & as I was about to delete the wasted photo from my phone I noticed another stuffed toy - this time a snake! Quite amusing really as you can see?! Lol

You can breathe easy now as this is the end of the blog... Have added the photos for those that can handle it, if not avert your eyes now!!!


  1. But...what about the piggies???

  2. Well I am sure you would've loved them bestie... a meat truck was outside Clays doing it's delivery & there were 2 braces of pigs carcasses happily swinging freely in the breeze! I am not a vegetarian as you know, but I've always liked pigs (they're cute) but seeing their whole carcasses just hanging there gave me a twinge of sadness - no doubt you would just see: Hog Roast, Belly Pork, Pork Chops, Shoulder of Pork, Bacon, Gammon, Ham & a big ole pig meat fest!!! Lol

  3. Yummmmy!!!! Yes you are right - it would have been one of those Homer mmmm...ham type moments if I had seen it whereby the pig would have transformed into a perfectly glazed and tasty ham dripping with juices in a little cloud bubble before my eyes...


    PS: The rest of the blog was good too (lol x)