Tiresome Tuesday

So I've not blogged for a long time on here, for that one apologises but life has been pretty hectic & some for me. My eldest is now almost 13 & has various medical diagnoses but the most obvious is his Aspergers/High-Functioning Autism, my middle child is soon to be 11 & she is very hormonal, the youngest daughter recently turned 7.

In January 2013 I started medication for my epilepsy (this was the second lot of medication I've been put on as the previous if been put on in September 2012 I had a severe reaction to) I'm currently on Keppra which has just been increased again - it has some nasty side effects so for the next 2 weeks it'll be rough & then when it gets increased again in 2 weeks it shall also be tough for a while until my body gets used to these adjustments...

Today has been a tough day so far, first the middle child decided to be argumentative with me... She wouldn't come shopping & argued with every single thing I said - fortunately while out shopping she reflected on her actions, apologised (by note), had attempted to vacuum the lounge & made me a coffee, she is now behaving much nicer thankfully.

My son on the other hand started misbehaving as soon as we left for shopping, all because I said no to playing Minecraft... This is his current obsession & is out of control, we bought 'The Hobbit - the desolation of smaug' on BlueRay as it came with an exclusive Lego kit so he could have it, we also bought a lemon cheesecake that he requested too, but the behaviours got worse.

When home, he went & hid straight upstairs while the shopping was put away, the rest of us pitched together to do this & then had a Creme Egg Biscuit that I had already taken away a few weeks ago for his bad behaviour, he had to be persuaded to come down for that but soon went back into my room.

He then refused to come out of my room, so when told to come out & that he couldn't play Minecraft he had a complete anger outburst, throwing things downstairs, slamming doors, kicking walls, knocking over the rocking horse... He than opened his window & sat on the ledge (this was a regular occurrence last year), he was told of he didn't change his attitude then I would delete the game.

The behaviour continued more things were thrown the outburst didn't stop, so as I don't believe in empty threats the game went... Along with all saved data of worlds created. He is gradually calming down but I of course am the wicked mother for doing this, but I actually can't cope with this controlling behaviour of his anymore.

There are 5 of us in this house, 2 adults & 3 children... We all need to live together, communicate better, understand each other better, but because of the ages of the eldest 2 children being nearly 11 & 13, plus our sons issues times are trying on a daily basis.

High-Functioning Autism/Aspergers  is very challenging, like me with my Epilepsy on the outside we look normal but our brains are wired differently (mine just short-circuits, causing seizures or absences). I love my children dearly & do everything in my power to bring them up correctly, but being a parent is the hardest job in the world... There are no manuals, no 2 children are alike, no 2 children think the same, it is a massive learning curve.

I have decided now to take a silence vow for the rest of the day, that way I can do nothing more wrong to upset anyone. Doesn't matter if it upsets me, I am a robot now, cold & without feelings.

I shall hopefully come back soon with a nice cheerful blog for you to read, until then I apologise for any negativity but I'm just saying it as it is this isn't a complaint, it is just pointing out how hard it is living with a pre-teen boy with an autistic spectrum disorder & a middle daughter that's due to go to secondary school this September.

Life is a rollercoaster & you just have to ride it... Good job I'm a thrill seeker, hey?!

Stress, Stress & more Stress

That's all that consists for me at the moment, I always find getting the balance back to routine after the long summer holidays daunting & stressful... I can't begin to imagine how the children feel these days?!

It's one thing after another, uniforms, lunches, arriving on time, after school clubs, swimming, school trips, residential trips it really is all go, go, go this year!

On top of which this week I've a mammoth cake request for my good friend Louisa's wedding which is happening Friday - yes Friday 13th of all days, I'm a little superstitious & having nightmares of caketastrophes happening...

Tomorrow is the start of the big bake off, 10" chocolate, 8" lemon, 6" vanilla, alongside 20 of each chocolate, lemon & vanilla cupcakes for a contrasting cupcake tower to go next to the main cake!!!

Cascades of butterflies to adorn the main cake & contrasting butterflies for the cupcakes, ribbons, pearls it's all going to be beautiful but I can't help but panic & worry till it is all completed, set up looking lovely in situ.

I'm desperately trying to make it feasible to attend the evening celebrations, but due to transport, babysitters & an impending funeral on Monday too, I'm not sure I'll get there - I am trying though, with all the will in the world.

I'm as tense as can be, so as soon as I've helped put the children to bed & the shopping away, I think a long soak in a nice relaxing bath is most definitely in order tonight...

Number one son is as hyper as an energizer bunny, no idea why but it is pushing me to my limits & some right now - is this just a sign I'm getting old I wonder?!

Just a brief blog as so much to do & so little time, but wanted y'all to know why I just may be a little awol this week!!!

All in a days...

Oh should that actually read 'all in a daze' I am not entirely sure about this title, as I do undoubtedly feel crazily dazed if I'm honest?!

This is my semi Ta-Dah post, I actually started this current housecleaning frenzy yesterday when I spent no little than 8 solid hours blitzing the girls pigsty - how can they live in such squalor is beyond me!

Anyway the chores continued today & over the past 35 hours I have totally annihilated 2 children's bedrooms into submission & they both look habitual now - this included stripping bunkbeds & a midsleeper, making all 3 beds again with fresh clean bedding.

I have washed & dried & put away 6 loads of washing & also put away another 2 loads that had already been washed & dried previously! How these children go through so many clothes is a mystery, some actually don't look like they've been worn & others are hideously dirty!!!

I have vacuumed the house top to bottom, cleaned the kitchen no less than 5 times, found a hidden pile of clean clothes stuffed in the bottom of number one sons wardrobe that needed hanging up, made sure the children didn't starve, arranged a birthday cake, packed an overnight bag for the kidlets, attempted to get a nice meal on the table at a reasonable hour (only for my super powers to fail & one item not being quite cooked in time - epic failure).

I would normally go to karaoke with the Funky one tonight (haven't been in a fortnight, as was away last Thurs) but I'm in no way motivated, it is freezing cold, I've not had my caffeine quota, I'm knackered & still I have an outfit to find for a wedding reception that I'm attending tomorrow night!

I feel absolutely bloated & fat today, hence finding an outfit I can actually fit into. Maybe I should just dress up as a pumpkin, it would hide all the flab on show - lol!!!

My skin feels awful as I've been overdoing the Creme Eggs & Chocolate - Easter should be banned next year... I've decided! I best take my meds in a minute, was very late in taking yesterday morning (it was in fact 2pm by the time I got round to it) Ooops.

I'll rest when I'm dead, either that or fall asleep on the sofa this evening! Fingers crossed I don't have to rush out & buy anything to wear tomorrow!

Purple & Blue for Me & You

Interesting title yes?! But what does it all mean? Well in the space of just a week I have supported two causes very close to my heart...

Firstly March 26th this year was 'World Epilepsy Awareness Day' for which Purple is the supporting colour (my fav colour) as you may know I suffer with epilepsy & have done since I was young, although it wasn't diagnosed until the year 2000 & formally diagnosed only last year 2012 - I'm now currently on medication which controls it somewhat. I wore a bright purple top all day, along with a purple bra!

Secondly, today April 2nd is 'World Autism Awareness Day' for which we must 'Light it up Blue' myself & my son (who is High-Functioning Autistic) both wore blue in support & I'm about to have a nice relaxing bath with a blue glo-stick for ambience too! But although it's officially 'World Autism Awareness Day' the whole month of April is devoted to Autism Awareness too, which is just great.

Not nearly enough information or awareness about these conditions is known to all so spreading awareness & information is high on my agenda with both myself & my son having a condition each...

I post a lot on both subjects on Facebook, Instagram & Pinterest (I have 2 specific boards) which most find useful, although a few people have in the past not favoured the awareness/support/information I share. But why should these conditions be overlooked or frowned upon like they're a taboo subject?

There are an awful lot of people & families affected by these incurable conditions, that can often disable sufferers in daily living - simple tasks for neuro-typical people can be quite difficult to others whose brains are wired differently or that malfunction regularly.

For example; my short-term memory is dreadful & my brain backfires regularly so I don't always remember details like names, numbers & suchlike - only today I couldn't do my online banking as even though I've done this for years today I couldn't get my online bank ID in the correct order - I had to phone up & look like an incompetent fool as I had just 2 digits round the wrong way!!! I sign in weekly too, but my brain wasn't playing this morning.

So you see, sometimes things are much slower for people like me or my son as our brains take longer to process things - it can be quite awkward at times & frustrating too.

Now before I write a novel instead of a short blog, I'm off to have my relaxing soak by the light of a blue hue courtesy of a glo-stick!!!

Easter Exertion

Arghhhhhh, school holidays... I dread them! Not because I don't love my children, I absolutely adore them 100% but life with a special needs child is extremely demanding.

Easter holidays are particularly troublesome with all the extra sugary confection, now had I only had one child I could quite happily get around this problem... But, I have three - I cannot withhold treats from one, that just wouldn't be fair & as for withholding from them all?! Where's the fun in that???

I'm going all out this year, as I want my children to have a happy childhood that they remember with fondness. Fun, Fun, Fun that's what it should be like for a child.

My eldest however has high-functioning autism which in itself is challenging, but add excitement, visual stimulus & high quantities of sugar well that just adds to the equation.

Hyperactivity runs rife & is very tiring for the rest of the family... Try to withhold favourite tasks such as electronics games from him & then you get meltdowns, but what can you do?

If the weather had been warmer then I would've got the families Merlin passes for this year (we had a year off last year so the Theme Parks are calling) so that would make it a little easier to manage with something else fun to do with the children.

We had to prize the iPad from number one son today, just to get him in the bath... Now it's time to get him out that very bath, which always prove much 'fun' to whomever is assisting - fortunately, I don't have to do this so much now given he is almost 12 & it wouldn't be correct to carry on when his father is usually available to do the awkward task!

Well, here's to a Happy Easter to all... Don't over-indulge in too much chocolate, but most of all if you have children enjoy the time you spend with them for the next fortnight x

Planning Easter

So I want to do things a bit more exciting this year, so I've been strategically planning Easter with the kidlets a bit more carefully...

I do however need to pay a visit to Hobbycraft for some supplies, speak nicely to my Papa for a small quantity of a particular item we have in hopefully abundance.

Obviously I'm not giving too much away by means of this blog, now number one son is at secondary school & quite a techno geek, it wouldn't take him long to discover this post on my Facebook wall & read it!

I'm planning an Easter Tree to bring some colour into the house, with the weather so dismal & gloomy, it should brighten things up a little along with everything else I'm planning...

Hopefully the children will appreciate my efforts & really enjoy the fun celebrations this year, rather than just gorge themselves on chocolate.

Of course there will be photos a plenty during the set-up process & Easter weekend, so do watch out on Instagram for them if you're at all interested in what I'm doing this year.

Try to enjoy this dreary weekend, I'm going to make the most of it... I'm determined!!!

A day in the life.....

Now this is written from my point of view rather than that of which it should, sounds confusing right?! Having a bit of a Cheshire Cat moment with riddles n suchlike, why you ask?! Well I imagine riddles, confusion, jumbles, mess are good describing words for the way my son's brain tics!

If I could sometimes just get inside his head to help him understand the simplest logic this would save a lot of aggravation on all sides, some days are just horrendous for no rhyme or reason - like today for example!

Am I right to blog about it?! Well, he is my son, he has high-functioning autistic spectrum disorder/asperger's syndrome, he is also dyspraxic & well at times can be very trying like most children, but other times even more so...

Not everyone knows this though, as with my epilepsy to the naked eye I look 'normal' it's only if you see me seizure that you know there is a problem. It's the same with Cameron, he looks 'normal' but it's only when he acts differently you can tell something isn't quite right.

So why did I choose today to blog??? It's Tuesday the 8th of January, the children are going back to school after the Christmas break & inset day... Finally some peace to enjoy a coffee & my own company!

What should've been a fairly painless morning turned into utter chaos within a few minutes!!! (I must point out here, that it is now Wednesday 9th Jan & I'm finishing this blog) It was quiet chaos non the less, but chaos it was & the day will be known as 'Traumatic Tuesday'

So the day starts as the alarms go off hubby's first around 6am I get woken (even though mine is set for 6.45!)... Everything is stress free at this hour as the children are yet to wake.

Hubby busily gets himself ready for work & leaves just before I am due to get up, Hermione is now awake & getting her uniform on nicely. I decide to quickly set a status on FB (big mistake) & then proceed to head too the bathroom before waking the other two.

I fill & boil the kettle while downstairs, feed the cats & then head back upstairs, Anneliese is bleary eyed but awake so I ask her to dress... I then go to wake Cameron (it's 7.15, so he has plenty of time to get sorted), he wakes, gives me a positive nod & grunt when I ask him nicely to get up & start getting ready - I then tell him I have to go get the lunch boxes packed, breakfast out, sort the girls hair etc!

Back downstairs I go, I tidy the kitchen to begin the lunches/breakfast & Hermione is ready for her hair, so I do that & then Anneliese's - it's now 7.45am but there is no signs of movement from Cam, back upstairs I trot...

He is still in bed, just laying there - I say "come on Cammy, Craig will be here soon get a wriggle on" but the response I get is "my alarm hasn't gone off" with a huffy grunt. So I check his phone, the time on it is 6.14 when in fact it is now 7.53!!!

I shout down to Hermione & ask her to pack the lunch boxes for me please, thankfully she was in a helpful mood & only too pleased to do this, Anneliese helped her.

I'm stood trying to coax Cameron out of his bed but he has now got the quandary in his head of how the clock was changed on his phone?! He starts saying "I never changed it" & I say "well somebody did but this isn't helping you get ready" - then Craig knocks on the door (8am), Hermione has to tell him to go on without Cam (who still hasn't moved).

Now when Cam was little & had days like this it was so easy, I could pick him up, dress him & he would get to school on time... Simple! But he us almost as tall as me now, he has a mid-sleeper bed that I just can't lift him out of as I'm too short & not strong enough for it now he is bigger & older.

I continue trying to persuade Cameron out of bed "it's the first day of school" "you don't want to be late" etc, etc but nothing is getting through he is still hung up on the alarm issue with his phone (which I reset to the correct time) but he us now complaining that I sent Craig ahead too! This is the moment I want to scream, but I resist & calmly explain that it wasn't fair to make Craig wait THAT long, if he had just been eating his breakfast it would've been fine for Craig to wait but he wasn't even out of bed.

I decide that as I've explained nicely & time is getting on I should really go get myself dressed as I can't have the girls late, so I say "I'm going to get dressed now, please can you get up & get your uniform on while I do that else I will have to call school as you WILL be late"

It's around 8.15 now, I call to ask Hermione what she's doing & bless her she is getting herself & Anneliese their breakfast, fantastic at least something is fooking right!!! Off I go to get dressed, even though I'm in a flap, stressed to the hilt I am still not shouting & pretty calm - amazing, right?!

I've got a Dr's appointment booked for myself at 9.20, there's not a hope in hell I will get there so after throwing my clothes on I call & cancel my appointment - that's when it hits me, I'm an awful mum, I can't cope, I'm not doing this right, if I was this wouldn't be happening, Cam would've been on his way to school ages ago etc, etc.

I manage to keep my emotions at bay while on the phone to the Dr's, it's nearly 8.30 now so I go to check how Cam is doing... STILL not moved an inch, apart from he has wrapped himself up in his duvet like a cocoon!!! So I go call his school, the receptionist told me to get the girls to school don't worry & they'd get his house welfare manager to call me (I'll tell you I was in tears at this point as I felt such a failure).

I'm getting my boots on, Ellie knocks for Hermione but I sadly say to her to send Ellie on cause I need to make sure they've got all their bags etc... Then I hear the dustcart coming up the street, I had asked hubby at 7.20 if the bin was out & said I'd sort it, but in all the chaos I hadn't had chance - yup, I ran out grabbed bin & hurtled up the drive past Louise's car (she'd parked on drive as road was manic with nowhere else to park) & just got it out in time!

It's 8.50 the girls need to be at school in 5 minutes, they hadn't got their shoes or coats it was a nightmare... Bless them it wasn't their fault, they'd worked bloody hard. So frantic search for Anneliese's shoes but so much mess so she wore trainers (these are blue suede boys trainers, she's a girlie boy lol).

By the time both girls had their shoes on, got their coats, brushed their teeth, got their PE kits, had their packed lunches n water bottles, grabbed their book bags & made it down the road it was 9.20 by the time I signed them in! I just kept it together in the school office explaining how it wasn't their fault & that I was having extreme difficulties with Cam...

Mrs Woods seemed quiet concerned & asked if it was just overwhelming to Cam after the Christmas break, having to get back into routine etc?! (I suppose yes it could be, but that doesn't help me sort the situation does it???) I just said in reply to her maybe it was as simple as that & we'd know in a few days.

I bumped into Rachel & Liz at the gates, Rachel said Sam (or was it Jacob) had trouble getting up today, but I said that's it he is not up he is STILL in bed doing nothing!!! Then my friend Pasty came past (we've been trying to arrange a catch up since Nov, but both been so busy) 'Happy New Year' she greets me with.

Have a quick catch up in the street, a brave face doesn't last long so a quick cry on her shoulder & then I say I must dash back as am waiting for the school to phone back still! Get in go check what's occurring with the boy - NOTHING...

I sit on my bed at a loss, a failure, send a few texts to my friend Sharon, play a few games on my iPod & just try to not let it bother me, but the time is ticking away & before I know it the school finally phone at 11.15... 11.15?! I called then at 8.30 before school started, it's almost break time & where's my boy??? Still laying in bed.

So I try to talk calmly, rationally to the welfare manager but I think I ended up sounding neurotic as I was in such despair that I started crying on the phone to her. She was really nice & not worried, just said tell him to make a choice he can come to school, see his friends or he can stay there in bed.

Now I've done choices time n time again, but they hardly ever work when I offer them... So I asked if she would speak to him please as I was worried that my calm approach was soon to break & that wouldn't help at all. So I took the phone to him, her words helped & he agreed to get up & get to school.

But it took him an absolute age to dress, to eat, to get his bag n lunch. Then he informs me he doesn't know where his key is, I start to look in his pit of a room & blurgh it's a hideous mess under his bed, dirty clothes, rubbish - Cam is just standing there watching me do it all not worried about time or his key, so I tell him he can come straight home from school & help me tidy his pit so we can hopefully find the key!

He got to school around midday as I told him to get welfare to call me so I knew he got there, his behaviour was infuriating me. The called at 12.20 after speaking with him.

So I had 3 hours without the children, I started this blog but then Sharon popped to see me which was nice for a bit of normality. Then a couple of cups of coffee, a slice of Christmas cake later & 2 loads of washing it was soon time to go pick up the girls.

Picking the girls up was peaceful enough, I explained after the mornings fiasco caused by their brother that we could watch something nice together if we all pulled together to tidy both theirs & Cameron's rooms as it shouldn't take too long.

We got home sorted coats, bags, lunch boxes out, then Cam made it home (for a change he had listened & I thought great we can turn this around). I explained what we were going to do & all was good at that point, the girls went to start theirs & myself n Cam went to do his...

That's when it started again or should I say stopped again??? Yes, you guessed it I was doing everything while Cam just sat there back chatting, arguing, making excuses, doing nothing. A simple job that together should've only taken an hour maximum ended up taking about 3 hours it was a war zone!

I ended up loosing my rag & shouting, hubby came home to it all which is NOT what I had envisaged happening. It was going to be calm, tidy, spotless, happy all round cause we'd helped each other & Cam had redeemed himself, but that just wasn't so...

The behavior spiralled out of control mainly the boy but there was a touch of misbehaving from the girls too, can't blame them really as I was absolutely at my wits end so they must have been fed up with it as he'd had all of my attention all day while they'd had none.

This continued to bedtime, Dunk's mum phoned as I had took it upon myself to do the Christmas thank yous (Cam was going to, but it wasn't high on his list of priorities) so I needed an address for his Grandad... Dunk had to hang up & call he back as it was beyond a joke by that point!

By 8.45pm the house was calm again, but boy it was such a 'Traumatic Tuesday' & I pray it never happens again... This morning although raised voices were in the house went much better in comparison, but hubby didn't have to leave quite so early.

I got up, made the sandwiches, packed the lunch boxes, he helped the boy get up & dressed, he left at 8.10 so was on time. Hermione went with Ellie & Anneliese got rushed up the street but got there in the nic of time - so much improvement.

I've managed to catch up with Corrie, write this blog & tried to chill today, as my stress levels need to reduce or a seizure could be on the cards. Well it's 2.30 & as Cam's school has a short day today I expect he will knock on the door in the next 10 mins or so... The key is still missing, but it's in the house somewhere!

Rubbish Blogger!

Ok, I am sooooooooo rubbish... I've not blogged in nearly 3 years & I've absolutely no idea where the last few years have gone, I blink & life just seems to fly by at the speed of light these days! I would think that having one crazy husband, one ASD son, one day-dreaming girlie & one very cheeky & mischievious toddler girl might just have something to do with it!!!


So what's happened in the last 3 years then??? Cameron (number one son) was diagnosed with high-functioning Autistic Spectrum Disorder/Asperger Syndrome in June 2009... I always knew something wasn't quite right but couldn't put my finger on it & it was a long struggle trying to get teachers, health professionals & friends/family to listen to me - we got there in the end though, so although it doesn't make living with his symptoms any easier there is a name for it & a reason why he behaves the way he does :)



Hermione (the piggy in the middle) is such a day-dreamer with her head in the clouds, although when the bubble has been burst she is the most loving, caring, wonderfully helpful little girl you could ever wish for & considering she is still 6 she has a lot of strain livin with her brother but copes amazingly well with it all!





Anneliese (the ickle baby) is now 3!!! Where did that time go??? She is the most cheekiest little thing you have ever met, but whatever she does even if she is really naughty you can't help but smile at her as she has the face of an angel but the cheekiest grin ever!!!





I discovered I have a real talent for Cake Baking last autumn, I have always loved cooking & baking but decided to get a bit more creative with it & have a real flare for it now & I am baking a cake of some description almost every week if not 2 or 3 cakes per week... here's a picture of some cupcakes I made recently!!!





We now have a dog, a little West Highland Terrier that we rescued from the RSPCA in January 2009... he is a typical terrier but we love him, he get's into absolutely everything & is forever needing a bath! This is a picture of him with his girlfriend my friends little King Charles Spaniel named Ellie :)





I have put on some weight recently so it is now time to go back to fat club & shift the extra weight I am carrying around, it's not so good when you have lost the weight graduly but then it piled back on quickly & people assume you are pregnant... wouldn't mind so much but I was sterilized when I had Anneliese, so it gets me down a bit :(

Well, that's a quick sum-up of a few key events... I am going to try to be a more active blogger & get this show on the road again :)