Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts

Tuesday, 8 April 2014

Tiresome Tuesday

So I've not blogged for a long time on here, for that one apologises but life has been pretty hectic & some for me. My eldest is now almost 13 & has various medical diagnoses but the most obvious is his Aspergers/High-Functioning Autism, my middle child is soon to be 11 & she is very hormonal, the youngest daughter recently turned 7.

In January 2013 I started medication for my epilepsy (this was the second lot of medication I've been put on as the previous if been put on in September 2012 I had a severe reaction to) I'm currently on Keppra which has just been increased again - it has some nasty side effects so for the next 2 weeks it'll be rough & then when it gets increased again in 2 weeks it shall also be tough for a while until my body gets used to these adjustments...

Today has been a tough day so far, first the middle child decided to be argumentative with me... She wouldn't come shopping & argued with every single thing I said - fortunately while out shopping she reflected on her actions, apologised (by note), had attempted to vacuum the lounge & made me a coffee, she is now behaving much nicer thankfully.

My son on the other hand started misbehaving as soon as we left for shopping, all because I said no to playing Minecraft... This is his current obsession & is out of control, we bought 'The Hobbit - the desolation of smaug' on BlueRay as it came with an exclusive Lego kit so he could have it, we also bought a lemon cheesecake that he requested too, but the behaviours got worse.

When home, he went & hid straight upstairs while the shopping was put away, the rest of us pitched together to do this & then had a Creme Egg Biscuit that I had already taken away a few weeks ago for his bad behaviour, he had to be persuaded to come down for that but soon went back into my room.

He then refused to come out of my room, so when told to come out & that he couldn't play Minecraft he had a complete anger outburst, throwing things downstairs, slamming doors, kicking walls, knocking over the rocking horse... He than opened his window & sat on the ledge (this was a regular occurrence last year), he was told of he didn't change his attitude then I would delete the game.

The behaviour continued more things were thrown the outburst didn't stop, so as I don't believe in empty threats the game went... Along with all saved data of worlds created. He is gradually calming down but I of course am the wicked mother for doing this, but I actually can't cope with this controlling behaviour of his anymore.

There are 5 of us in this house, 2 adults & 3 children... We all need to live together, communicate better, understand each other better, but because of the ages of the eldest 2 children being nearly 11 & 13, plus our sons issues times are trying on a daily basis.

High-Functioning Autism/Aspergers  is very challenging, like me with my Epilepsy on the outside we look normal but our brains are wired differently (mine just short-circuits, causing seizures or absences). I love my children dearly & do everything in my power to bring them up correctly, but being a parent is the hardest job in the world... There are no manuals, no 2 children are alike, no 2 children think the same, it is a massive learning curve.

I have decided now to take a silence vow for the rest of the day, that way I can do nothing more wrong to upset anyone. Doesn't matter if it upsets me, I am a robot now, cold & without feelings.

I shall hopefully come back soon with a nice cheerful blog for you to read, until then I apologise for any negativity but I'm just saying it as it is this isn't a complaint, it is just pointing out how hard it is living with a pre-teen boy with an autistic spectrum disorder & a middle daughter that's due to go to secondary school this September.

Life is a rollercoaster & you just have to ride it... Good job I'm a thrill seeker, hey?!

Friday, 7 February 2014

Blogging Frustration

So as you can see I've not actually blogged on here since September... Why?!  Lack of PC, a laptop that needed reformatting,  changing mobiles not one but twice,  mobile app being a complete pita (pain in the ass) & then only just installing the app on my current phone as I got so fed-up of everything getting in my way I had a break from Blogger!

If you are going through old blogs here you may well notice missing photos, no editing,  mismatched fonts, lack of colour & such like... I shall try to get my laptop on this arvo to edit & change all this - no promises though as it has already been one of those days!!!

I am all about being positive this year though & have put in place some fantastic tools to assist in this,  it's not to say I don't have off days - it's to detract from the negatives though whilst looking at the good in life.

So far in 2014 the weather here has been awful,  only a couple of frosty mornings,  a couple of dry days & an awful lot of rain, rain, rain... This can drag you down if you think of it to much but there is so much to be happy about to!

Family, friends, love, laughter, beauty, achievements all come for free & are part of everyday life,  let's try to embrace these things more... My eldest may have difficulties but he is a truly amazing boy with many talents,  he not only achieved a 7c in his Maths test but he also achieved a 7b in Science too -  Very Proud Mommy here, Well Done Son xXx

We've had 2 new additions to the household in the form of tiny kittens Molly & Jack, hours of fun, cute, cuddly, Peterbald Crosses.

It'll be half-term soon & shortly after that the little one will turn 7yrs old,  best start planning what to do for her birthday,  just hope the weather picks up!

Final year of primary school for the middle one (who turns 11 in the summer) & the eldest will be a teenage boy come July too - where did my babies go?!

Last year was a rollercoaster for us,  we lost 3 dear people in our lives,  had to say goodbye to a beloved old cat, saw some great friends get married, celebrated a milestone family birthday, met some wonderful new friends & lots of other high/low points throughout... So that's why I decided to change my outlook this year,  too many of us get stuck in daily rut routines as it is all too easy but in taking steps to prevent me getting caught in that trap.

Lots of exciting opportunities this year with making people smile,  having fun,  enjoying life to the full... What is stopping me??? Absolutely nothing!!!

Thursday, 14 February 2013

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not?!

He loves me,
He loves me not,
It doesn't matter I'm what he's got!

Just a little silly poem from my head for Valentine's Day...

Did you know that St Valentine is the patron saint of epilepsy?! Look it up, interesting stuff!

A bit of a mixed bag today for my blog as I'm just not inspired with anything right now... having suffered with depression of various types in the past, having a very close friend with Bipolar & also supporting a seriously challenged hubby through depression, with a cousin that's constantly in the forefront of my mind who took his own life due to depression  (he was just 24) & also knowing plenty of family n friends that too suffer from depression - I know only too well that at times things can become overpowering in dragging you down.

But 'HOW?' do you pick yourself up out of that hole???

For me I like to keep busy & focused on things, such as my blogs, photos, baking, gaming, karaoke... Silly things I know, but I actually enjoy all these things so very, very much & they keep me on a positive generally speaking.

I'm not proud of all the things I have done in the past, coping with depression alone without support & not actually accepting the situation, but I have come through & out the other side now... Yes I have a few odd days a year where absolutely everything gets on top of me, but thanks to my children & my cousin Chad's memory I'm not at the lowest depths of despair anymore.

It is NOT easy to feel like this, in fact on those few odd days it is a real struggle - all I want is someone to hold me tight, telling me everything will be ok... I suppose to me it's like being a small child needing comfort & support again.

Whoever said being a grown up would be easy?!

I must apologise for this blog being a day late, but yesterday I was distracted much & this morning has been a real struggle for me - there's so much swirling around my head & the new medication I'm on for my epilepsy can make depression worse, so I constantly have to try & keep myself level headed...

The past 3.5 years have been particularly trying for me, but the last 18 months have been a very bumpy rollercoaster to say the least.

I'm not someone that asks for help often, as I like to be as independent as I can. I do however wish some if my family & close friends were nearer at times like these in particular: Ruth, Zoe, Kate, Laura, Rachael as these wonderful ladies all mean so very, very much to me yet live so far away!

Now this year has already gone out the window for me, so I'm writing it off!!! No point making plans now, it's too late... But next year is going to be completely different - that's a promise!!!

2014 is my year for so many reasons: on Jan 20th it will be the 20th anniversary of an awful ordeal that happened to me in 1994, on Jul 29th I'll turn 40 (life begins then, apparently), & if we make it through to Sept 14th I'll celebrate being with my true love for 20 years to - not many people these days manage to say that & we've had plenty of struggles along our journey!

I just hope in my heart that we can arrive at that point as happy as we were back in Sept 1994, during the past 18.5 years we have come so far, accomplished so much, but sometimes the way has been clouded & paths have been forgotten, that need to be found again so we can get back on track - let's get the fun back on this rollercoaster instead of screaming to get off please?!

As you can see from my blog, I don't shy away or hide from anything... I'm open & honest about my life, my feelings & me - I wish more people could open up so much, the world would be so much nicer & easier if they would just let people in to help them.

But first you have to pull yourself out of the sand or from under the carpet & stop hiding behind a mask.

Find something your passionate about that encapsulates your mind however silly you think it is, it really helps with self-help & self-esteem!

Life is short, love completely especially yourself <3

PS/ JoJo, thanks for this morning... So glad my message never arrived, I've missed my huggles with you x