Blogging Frustration

So as you can see I've not actually blogged on here since September... Why?!  Lack of PC, a laptop that needed reformatting,  changing mobiles not one but twice,  mobile app being a complete pita (pain in the ass) & then only just installing the app on my current phone as I got so fed-up of everything getting in my way I had a break from Blogger!

If you are going through old blogs here you may well notice missing photos, no editing,  mismatched fonts, lack of colour & such like... I shall try to get my laptop on this arvo to edit & change all this - no promises though as it has already been one of those days!!!

I am all about being positive this year though & have put in place some fantastic tools to assist in this,  it's not to say I don't have off days - it's to detract from the negatives though whilst looking at the good in life.

So far in 2014 the weather here has been awful,  only a couple of frosty mornings,  a couple of dry days & an awful lot of rain, rain, rain... This can drag you down if you think of it to much but there is so much to be happy about to!

Family, friends, love, laughter, beauty, achievements all come for free & are part of everyday life,  let's try to embrace these things more... My eldest may have difficulties but he is a truly amazing boy with many talents,  he not only achieved a 7c in his Maths test but he also achieved a 7b in Science too -  Very Proud Mommy here, Well Done Son xXx

We've had 2 new additions to the household in the form of tiny kittens Molly & Jack, hours of fun, cute, cuddly, Peterbald Crosses.

It'll be half-term soon & shortly after that the little one will turn 7yrs old,  best start planning what to do for her birthday,  just hope the weather picks up!

Final year of primary school for the middle one (who turns 11 in the summer) & the eldest will be a teenage boy come July too - where did my babies go?!

Last year was a rollercoaster for us,  we lost 3 dear people in our lives,  had to say goodbye to a beloved old cat, saw some great friends get married, celebrated a milestone family birthday, met some wonderful new friends & lots of other high/low points throughout... So that's why I decided to change my outlook this year,  too many of us get stuck in daily rut routines as it is all too easy but in taking steps to prevent me getting caught in that trap.

Lots of exciting opportunities this year with making people smile,  having fun,  enjoying life to the full... What is stopping me??? Absolutely nothing!!!

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not?!

He loves me,
He loves me not,
It doesn't matter I'm what he's got!

Just a little silly poem from my head for Valentine's Day...

Did you know that St Valentine is the patron saint of epilepsy?! Look it up, interesting stuff!

A bit of a mixed bag today for my blog as I'm just not inspired with anything right now... having suffered with depression of various types in the past, having a very close friend with Bipolar & also supporting a seriously challenged hubby through depression, with a cousin that's constantly in the forefront of my mind who took his own life due to depression  (he was just 24) & also knowing plenty of family n friends that too suffer from depression - I know only too well that at times things can become overpowering in dragging you down.

But 'HOW?' do you pick yourself up out of that hole???

For me I like to keep busy & focused on things, such as my blogs, photos, baking, gaming, karaoke... Silly things I know, but I actually enjoy all these things so very, very much & they keep me on a positive generally speaking.

I'm not proud of all the things I have done in the past, coping with depression alone without support & not actually accepting the situation, but I have come through & out the other side now... Yes I have a few odd days a year where absolutely everything gets on top of me, but thanks to my children & my cousin Chad's memory I'm not at the lowest depths of despair anymore.

It is NOT easy to feel like this, in fact on those few odd days it is a real struggle - all I want is someone to hold me tight, telling me everything will be ok... I suppose to me it's like being a small child needing comfort & support again.

Whoever said being a grown up would be easy?!

I must apologise for this blog being a day late, but yesterday I was distracted much & this morning has been a real struggle for me - there's so much swirling around my head & the new medication I'm on for my epilepsy can make depression worse, so I constantly have to try & keep myself level headed...

The past 3.5 years have been particularly trying for me, but the last 18 months have been a very bumpy rollercoaster to say the least.

I'm not someone that asks for help often, as I like to be as independent as I can. I do however wish some if my family & close friends were nearer at times like these in particular: Ruth, Zoe, Kate, Laura, Rachael as these wonderful ladies all mean so very, very much to me yet live so far away!

Now this year has already gone out the window for me, so I'm writing it off!!! No point making plans now, it's too late... But next year is going to be completely different - that's a promise!!!

2014 is my year for so many reasons: on Jan 20th it will be the 20th anniversary of an awful ordeal that happened to me in 1994, on Jul 29th I'll turn 40 (life begins then, apparently), & if we make it through to Sept 14th I'll celebrate being with my true love for 20 years to - not many people these days manage to say that & we've had plenty of struggles along our journey!

I just hope in my heart that we can arrive at that point as happy as we were back in Sept 1994, during the past 18.5 years we have come so far, accomplished so much, but sometimes the way has been clouded & paths have been forgotten, that need to be found again so we can get back on track - let's get the fun back on this rollercoaster instead of screaming to get off please?!

As you can see from my blog, I don't shy away or hide from anything... I'm open & honest about my life, my feelings & me - I wish more people could open up so much, the world would be so much nicer & easier if they would just let people in to help them.

But first you have to pull yourself out of the sand or from under the carpet & stop hiding behind a mask.

Find something your passionate about that encapsulates your mind however silly you think it is, it really helps with self-help & self-esteem!

Life is short, love completely especially yourself <3

PS/ JoJo, thanks for this morning... So glad my message never arrived, I've missed my huggles with you x

Loosing sight of important things?!

I have not blogged since Tuesday & that's simply because I have been so busy baking that my blog brain had gone AWOL!!!  Now I can't take credit for the subject of my blog today as I was inspired by my bestie & fellow blog writer Jason, but I thought to myself with his current blog of Friday that he does in fact have a fair few points that I can familiarise myself with & also put down from a woman's point of view too.


Here's Jason's blog if you haven't had chance to read it: Frustration


Now you will notice that Jason's blog title sounds slightly more aggressive than mine, well actually quite a bit more aggressive than my title... but I think that's because it is just a one word title, just my opinion of course but that's how I perceive it.


Isn't it easy to lose sight of those things that are so important?!  What I am talking about is how people in relationships (ie/ marriage) forget the important things like their partners needs because everything else gets in the way...


The home-maker is always looking after the children, keeping a tidy home, doing daily chores & such like, so often forgets to ask the partner how they're day has been at work as they are so focused on these other things that you wouldn't think take up much time - but alas indeed they really do, it is a constant battle one thing after another, 1 child needs attention for something & then another needs some attention for something else or the others start squabbling, the dinner needs cooking or the washing needs to be done it is never ending constant work - Yes, it is work... just unpaid.


Now I am quite self-concious of how easily this happens so I try to make an extra effort to not forget what's important, my husband, but I am only human & not by any means perfect, so even I do lose sight of this every now & again, especially if I have had an over demanding day... for example; kids to get to school, cakes to make/decorate, washing to be done, housework to do, pets to be fed, dinner to be cooked, kids playing up after school, after school clubs etc, etc!


Now on the other hand it is just as easy for your spouse to lose sight of these things too, they spend all day out at work & can have demanding jobs that cause them stress, they have the worry of bringing the money home to provide for the family - it is just too easy to forget that your partner is the most important person in your life & a simple hug or asking 'How's your day been?' can make the whole world of difference if they're having a tough time for whatever reason.


These are the ways I have been self-concious today: I posted on my hubby's FB wall this evening: 'Mwah, just because I think you deserve it xXx', I asked him how his evening at work was going, I told him I loved him, I made him a cup of Tea for when he returned from work & obviously I waited up to see him!  It's not a lot, but I am sure all these little things count for an awful lot in a relationship although sometimes they do get forgotten & half of the team feels forgotten about.


Today my husband has done the following little things that have made a difference to me: He brought me a cup of coffee in bed, he did household chores while I got bits from town, he told me he loves me, he made the lunch, he sent me texts while he was working & he just said 'probably the most amazing cup of Tea he's ever had' - Now I feel really great after that 1 comment, it's only a stupid little comment about a cup of Tea, but it's the best comment ever & makes me feel like I am an awesome person that looks after my husband.


When you first start a relationship, nothing gets in the way it is just the two of you & there are hardly any stresses or strains, but then as you get older children arrive each one causing a little more strain on the relationship as while they are very young they take up a lot of your time & can be quite demanding of attention at times if not all of the time & that's when things break down & you forget the little things that you used to do constantly, they dwindle off to just once or twice a month if you are lucky & that's when the couple often feel like they are unloved & unappreciated.  You forget that first & foremost you & your spouse are a couple, of course you are parents & you put your children first, but you must remember to take time for yourselves.


It isn't always easy to get that time to be a couple, when you have children unless you have amazing in-laws on both sides that live local & can help out at the drop of a hat with childcare, it can be quite an inconvenience in all honesty as you don't get people that will just have the kids so you can go out for a meal & a show, babysitters as we know cost money so if you wanted to take a trip to London that would in itself cost a small fortune & a babysitter on top would be another small fortune as you would want to be gone early afternoon & possibly not back till late at night or even the early hours of the following morning.  It's when you know these things that aren't that easy to organise that those little gestures, comments, hugs & such like are the moments that matter for you both as a couple.  Each person in the relationship feels like they belong, that what they're doing is worthwhile & that they too are in fact a person with feelings & is appreciated by their spouse.


On the other hand when these tiny little gestures get forgotten it is so easy for the respective spouse to feel worthless, unloved & unappreciated... I am sure we're all guilty of neglecting our loved ones as surely nobody can be that perfect once they have had children to keep up the level of affection that they gave before said children came along?!  It just isn't possible, but it is possible if you put your mind to it, to try & remember to make these little gestures - you just have to remind yourself to do it more often so you get a nice balance in the marital relationship.


Just because you have children you don't have to stop being a couple, I am sure that is why a lot of marriages end in divorce or separation - because people lose sight of each other when children come along, they get so focused on the children or their work & they forget about each other... If you want a marriage to last this can't be so, you must not lose sight of what each of you mean to each other or how you used to behave towards each other.  Take a few minutes a day to just have a hug, ask how their day has been or to tell your partner you love them - not a quick 'Love you' as you run out the house to work or before you hang up the phone, say it like you mean it... it means so much more & is sincere, don't get stuck in a routine of saying it just because & say it because in fact you still love your partner & you mean it!