Lost my Sparkle...

Not sure if this is right or if this is wrong, but I need to keep busy & do something so a blog seems like the only way to go...


I am so empty at the moment, I feel dead inside & so numb on the outside, it is like someone has wrenched my beating heart out of me & peeled off all my skin. The pain is immense like nothing I have ever felt before & I just have no idea what to do.


My world is shattered & I so want to rebuild it & start again, but as the saying goes 'Rome wasn't built in a day' - how very true, building a world is going to take a while, that is for sure!  I have to start back at the very beginning & take every day as it comes, this is very hard as I hate being away from my family but it's all I can do right now as things are so very raw.


A good friend wrote this in her blog about me:

The Star without it's shining light

I don't think I have ever seen such a gorgeous, spirited young lady in such pain ever before.  It has been one of those times where, yet again, I have no idea how to behave or what to say and probably came across as a blundering idiot! She had her friends around her and was so very brave getting up to sing - I couldn't have ever been that strong, ever.  To the lovely "L" I hope things will get better and with the support of your friends you will turn that corner, but for now just go with it.

Nope, I don't ever want to see a friend in such a worryingly bad way again.  As the title suggests - It was karaoke at the Star without its shining light :(

This is where I got my inspiration for today's title... My friend's blog & my status on Facebook from Tuesday: Lynda-Jane Sharp

has lost her fairy sparkle... can somebody bring it back if they find it lying around anywhere, how can I fly without twinkly wings?! Best jump on my unicorn until it comes back, else this fairy is gonna run out of steam too "/

I have the most amazing friends looking after me, my Bessie Jason & his wife Claire, the are truly the 2 most amazing people in the world & I can say I don't know if I would be here if they hadn't taken me in & sheltered me from the black cloud that is constantly raining on me at this moment in time.

Jason wrote such a wonderful blog yesterday, not only did it move me to tears when I read it yesterday, but reading it again today moved me to tears again (mind you the moments in my day when there aren't tears are very few at the moment) if you would like to read his blog from yesterday you can find it here: Bicester Blogger

Now, I love my bessie for a lot of things but especially our shared love of the fabulous Emma Bunton & I hadn't heard 'I'll Be There' for so long!  Here's the link to the video on YouTube for everyone: 'I'll Be There - Emma Bunton'

Farewell the days, 

Come melt the ice, on many a cold heart.

Till the clouds roll in

And then you'll find

They're frightened of the dark

Some may come and some may go

They meet you high then leave u low.

But I will always be the one who cares

I'll be there

I'll be there whenever u need a friend

Yeah I'll be there whenever u need a friend, I will be there baby

I may have to go in body, but my soul is with you still.

When you think of me, I'm by your side to guide you from all ill

We all need somebody who

We can always run onto

And I will always be the one for you,

I'll be there

I'll be there whenever u need a friend

Yeah I'll be there whenever u need a friend, I'll be there for u baby.

We all need somebody who

We can always run onto

And I will always be the one, for you

I'll be there

I'll be there whenever u need a friend

Yeah I'll be there whenever u need a friend I will be there baby

I'll be there whenever u need a friend I'll be there for u baby

I'll be there whenever u need a friend I'll be there for you baby.

Jason, Claire I will forever be indebted to you both for the kindness, friendship & hospitality you have shown me - Thank You both for looking after me, it means so very much to have such very, very good friends (could I use the word very any more?!)... I love you guys xXx